


Nightmares and Dreams

by Star_Shine_Ocean



Series: Come a Knocking [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, I AM SORRY, I didn't think there would be more, If you wanna be an awful person like me you could say he was on the Virge of a panic attack, Lamp- Freeform, Nightmares, Platonic or Romantic LAMP you Pick, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, almost panic attacks, welp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:26:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Shine_Ocean/pseuds/Star_Shine_Ocean
Summary: This time, it was four succinct knocks that brought him out of his wallowing.





	Nightmares and Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> SO! I hope you all like this, just to say before you get invested, this takes place like two weeks after Horror Filled Movie Night and during those weeks the sides have all been trying really hard to interact more and help each other so if it seems like Virgil is really trusting it's because he has been helped by them a lot this in a short amount of time and my poor emo son is desperate. Anyway, I like gave this a once over but really wanted to post it so if you see any errors let me know! I hope you enjoy!  
> P.S. you can pry my commas from my cold dead hands

          Virgil bolted awake, fingers tangled in his hair, heart thumping painfully in his chest. He squeezes his eyes closed, slowly working his fingers out of the painful grasp he had on his hair, then he clenches and unclenches his fist, trying to get some feeling back into his poor fingers. It takes all Virgil has to not start crying at the realization that this has become part of his nightly routine, go to sleep, have a nightmare, wake up, and try not to think about it.

          This time, it was four succinct knocks that brought him out of his wallowing.

          “Virgil,” comes Logan’s calming voice from the other side of the door, “Is everything alright?”

          A desperate part of the dark trait wants to tell him no, and to beg him to come in here and talk to him, but he knew he shouldn’t do that, the last thing he wants to do is to be a burden.

          “’M fine,” he calls out, wincing at how weak his voice sounds.

          “May I come in?” asks the logical trait, concern evident in his voice.

          “Knock yourself out,” Virgil groans, pulling his blankets around him tighter.

          “I’m sorry for the intrusion,” Logan starts as he walks in, “but I heard whimpering when I passed by to get a glass of water. Mind to tell me what’s going on?”

          Virgil began to squirm under the gaze of his fellow side, “It’s nothing Logan, go back to bed.”

          Logan tuts as he sits down at the end of the bed, “If I left right now we both know neither of us would get any rest. I have noticed you have been rather tired this week, more so than normal. I thought that after our movie night a few weeks ago you’d realized that we do actually want to help you.”

          “It-It’s not that,” mutters Anxiety, looking at the blankets in his lap.

          “Then what is?” Logan says while reaching his hands out for Virgil to grab.

          Virgil gladly takes the other side’s hand, glad to have something to ground him.

          “I’ve been having bad dreams.” He mumbles, still not looking up.

          “Oh, well while this is not my area of expertise, we could always involve the others,” Logan suggest.

          “No!” Virgil cries out, finally looking Logan directly in the eye.

          “Virgil,” Logan says calmly, scooting a little closer, “None of us will think less of you for struggling. Why should you suffer when we can try and help? Remember last week when you helped Patton pick out colors for a drawing, or the other day when you helped Roman figure out a dramatic scene in the script he was trying to work on? We all need help sometimes, even if those cases are less severe. There is no shame in asking for help.”

          “I-I know that, but,” Virgil takes a deep breath before sighing, reminding himself that the others do want to help, “Fine. Go get the others.”

          “Thank you Virgil,” Logan says, relief evident in his voice as he rises to go find the others, “I am very glad that you are giving us a chance.”

          Virgil nods, blushing slightly, “Just go before I change my mind.”

          With that, Virgil is alone, and he can’t help but drift off after a few minutes of waiting. He tried to stay awake, he really did, but after a couple of weeks with no uninterrupted sleep, he couldn’t put up much of a fight.

 

* * *

 

          It takes Logan forty-five minutes to get the other two sides up and into Virgil’s room, which is thirty minutes longer than he’d like. Even though it took the other two a few minutes to understand why they were needed, as soon as they understood they were up and ready to go help their youngest side.

           When they enter his room though, they are surprised to find the dark trait slumped against the wall, wrapped in blankets, and fast asleep.

          “Aww!” coos Patton quietly, “Look at our little dark night!”

          “He does look rather peaceful,” supplies Roman, shooting Patton a glance at the nickname.

          “I would hate to wake him,” Logan says, worry creasing his brow, “Especially since he hasn’t been sleeping a lot as of late.”

          “We could always just-” starts Patton who is cut off by whimpering from the sleeping side.

          The three sides dash over to Virgil’s bed, Patton already about to wake him up.

          “No wait,” commands Logan, “We can’t just wake him, it may startle him into a panic attack.”

          “Then what do we do? We can’t just leave him in a nightmare!” Cries Roman.

          “First stop yelling, you will end up upsetting both Virgil and Patton, second we need to calm him down before we wake him.”

          “I got this kiddos,” Patton reassures, appearing confident, as he takes his place beside Virgil, the dad in him coming out full force.

          Patton places his hand on Virgil’s and starts rubbing small, soothing, circles on the back of his hand. Softly cooing to the anxious trait, he moves in slightly, but remains far enough away so as to not crowd Virgil.

          It takes a few minutes of tense silence, only interrupted by a stray whimper or Patton’s soft voice, before Virgil seems to calm down.

          “Now do we wake him up?” questions Roman, clenching and unclenching his fist as he halts his pacing.

          Logan nods before Patton starts gently shaking the younger trait, “Hey buddy it’s time to wake up now.”

          Virgil gasps when he wakes up, pulling his blankets close to him and pushing himself against the wall, “Wha- oh, oh yeah.” Virgil shakes his head, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep, relaxing slightly at the sight of everyone around him.

          “So Virgil,” Patton starts, staying right beside the man, “Logan tells us you’ve been havin’ some pretty nasty nightmares. Do you wanna talk about it?”

          “If not,” adds Roman claiming a seat at the foot of the bed closest to the wall, “we could always just go have a sleepover in the living room with hot coco?”

          Virgil takes in the faces of the people he cares about, Patton’s caring face, Roman’s confident demeanor but hesitant eyes, and Logan’s calculating, but not cruel, gaze, and makes a decision.

          “I should probably talk about it right? That’s the healthy thing to do?” He hates how small he sounds, how uncertain, but the others obviously don’t care.

          “Yes!” Patton beams, “We would love to listen.”

          “But only if you are ready,” supplies Logan crossing his arms, trying to hide his eagerness to help.

          “We don’t want to overwhelm you doom and gloom,” Roman says, and Virgil can’t help the smirk that appears on his face.

          “I can do this,” Virgil says, nodding and pulling his legs up to his chest, “I mean not sleeping isn’t fun, and I want to try harder to be better. I don’t want to end up hurting Thomas with this.”

          “Or yourself,” adds in Patton.

          “Yeah, yeah.” Virgil agrees absently, trying to think of the best way to recount his dream to the others. He, however, misses the look the three share at his flippant attitude towards himself.

          “Well,” Logan begins clearing his throat and taking a seat besides Roman at the foot of the bed, deciding that Virgil’s self-esteem issues can be, and will be, dealt with later, “Is it always the same?”

          Virgil nods, leaning on Patton, “It always goes the same way, you three are all there.”

          This time, Virgil doesn’t miss the looks the other three share, “It’s nothing that bad! I swear, I just it- I’m just going to continue,” he babbles squeezing his eyes shut, trying to ignore how his hands shake, “We stand in a circle and it starts with Roman, he tells us his name what he does and why he helps Thomas what would happen to Thomas without him, then Patton does the same, then Logan, the-then it’s my turn and-and I start with the whole, ‘I’m Virgil, I am anxiety, I am fear,’ spiel, but then I try to say-say that I help Thomas, but you guys don’t _let_ me and I know it isn’t you I promise! It’s just hard to hear and I know I’m over reacting and this was a stupid idea why-”

          “Virgil!” Roman says, using his booming voice to silence the spiraling trait, “You need to breath.”

          Virgil takes in a raspy breath, not sure when he stopped breathing and slowly cracks open his eyes, “Sorry I-”

          “Virgil,” Patton says wrapping his arm around the trembling figure, “You are fine. We want to hear; we want to be here for you remember?”

          Virgil nods, still feeling bad for telling them, “I just, I- there isn’t a fix to this problem,” and if Virgil hears a voice hiss in the back of his head that he _is_ the problem, then the others don’t need to know that.

          “I have an idea,” Logan states, slowly, and Virgil can practically see the gears turning in his head, “If you were to experience the scenario of the dream, but with a different outcome, it may help your brain move on from these troubling thoughts.”

          “That’s brilliant!” cheers Roman, excited to help the smaller trait in any way possible.

          “You guys don’t have to do this, I’m fine, I honestly shouldn’t have said anything. You should all be asleep and if I just had thicker skin then this wouldn’t be a problem. I’m not worth a sleepless night,” Virgil’s lip wobbled as he spoke, he hated seeing the others trying to come up with solutions that probably wouldn’t work for him when all he did was bring them down.

          “I will physically fight you,” Patton hisses, tightening his hold on the anxious man, “You are worth all this and more.”

          “You are something worth losing sleep for,” Logan adds.

          “Please let us try,” Roman pleads, desperate to help him somehow.

          “Fine,” Virgil grumbles, “whatever.”

          In all honesty Virgil was amazed that they wanted to help him, that he mattered enough to them, but he didn’t want to crush their spirits. He didn’t want them to know he wasn’t fixable, that even if this nightmare left, others would fill its place. He also didn’t want to feed into the small part of him that thought that maybe, just maybe, they could help repair the self-inflicted damage.

          “So,” Roman laughs awkwardly, “I always start right? I’m Roman, I’m creativity, I help Thomas create, without me Thomas couldn’t have half of his ideas.”

          Virgil winces at the familiar words. He was hoping that maybe Roman would add something, a flourish or something, but no. He sounds just like the Roman in his dreams. But this isn’t a dream, this is real.

          “I’m Patton,” Patton starts, holding Virgil tighter, “I am morality, I am emotions. I help Thomas feel. Without me Thomas would have a hard time handlin’ some of his more tricky feelings!”

          Virgil can feel tears building behind his eyes and he has to remind himself that this isn’t a dream, this is his friends trying to help him. This isn’t a dream, but it feels just like the dream, it sounds just like the dream, maybe he is in the dream? What if they never actually woke him up when they came in?

          “I am Logan,” Logan shares a worried look with the other sides as Virgil ducks his head, hiding in Morality’s side, “I am logic, I am logical thinking. I help Thomas think about his actions. Without me Thomas would not think through situations.”

          Virgil can feel the tears sliding down his face as he begins the monologue, “I’m Virgil, I am anxiety,” the words tear their way out his throat, threating to cut him off, “I am fe-fear.”

          He has to be dreaming, he has to be, this is all a dream and he needs to wake up. He wants to wake up, he needs to get out.

          “Kiddo,” Patton chastises, snapping him back to reality, “That isn’t true. I don’t know why you’d think that, but you are more than just fear.”

          Virgil stiffens, that wasn’t in the script, that wasn’t part of his nightmare. _This isn’t a nightmare._ The reminder takes the air out of his lungs and leaves him panting for a second before he can continue, “I am caution?” he asks looking up at the other sides, trying not to show how desperate he is for their approval.

          When he sees them all smiling and nodding he can’t help but let out a sob of relief and it takes him a few minutes before he composes himself. Then he realizes he never usually gets this far, in the dream it always ends with him desperately trying to say something, while the others just glare. Before he couldn’t even think of being helpful to Thomas, the figments of his dream wouldn’t allow it, but now?

          “I-I uh,” he stammers ducking his head again, but deciding not to hide behind Patton, “I help Thomas, uh, I do- I-I,” Virgil searches his mind, desperately trying to think of something good he does for his host.

          “How about,” Roman says gently, reaching out and placing a hand on Virgil’s knee, “You help Thomas stay safe?”

          “I-I help Thomas stay sa-safe?”

          “Perfect Virgil,” Patton beams, turning the question into a statement with two simple words, and he can feel heat rise in his cheeks, “Now you just gotta say the last part.”

          “Oh-okay.” Virgil raises his head, taking a couple deep breaths, and is about to speak when he hears the hiss in the back of his head ‘w _ithout you Thomas would be happy._ ’

          He flinches and shakes his head, “Can-Can’t I-I’m sorry I can’t.”

          "Yes you can.” Logan affirms, mimicking Roman’s previous action by placing his hand on Virgil’s other knee, “Just repeat after me, without me Thomas would act like a fool.”

          “Or,” Patton adds swiftly, “You could say without me Thomas would be too naïve.”

          “Or even,” Roman says with an easy, albeit sad, smile, “without me Thomas would get his heart broken.”

          This is when Virgil finally realizes that he isn’t exactly worthless. Maybe he can be a bit much sometimes, but so can everyone in this room. They all have their faults, and yeah, for a long time he was only a villain, but now he wasn’t. Now he had people who cared for him, and who could help him be better.

          Virgil glances at each figure before him before whispering, “Without me Thomas could get hurt.”

          And then they are all on top of him, hugging him, and congratulating him. They care about him, they are glad that he realizes he matters, that he can see he is worth something. It takes about fifteen minutes before everyone calms down enough for them to realize they are all exhausted. Virgil can’t help the grateful look he shoots Roman when he suggests they all have a sleepover.

          Despite them all falling asleep around three o’clock in the morning, they all, even Virgil, wake up the next afternoon feeling well rested. And if Virgil’s make up is a little lighter, and his mood a little brighter, no one mentions it. But Virgil knows they are happy, he can see it when they shoot him smiles from across the room or laugh at a stupid joke he made. He knows this time, that it isn’t a dream, and even if it was, he wouldn’t want to wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> So I am seeing two more parts to this, and I also think I am going to do like 3 adjacent series with the other 3 sides as the main focus, but I don't know yet. I've had a few ideas but I don't wanna commit when I don't know for sure. I know that I will finish this series but when is kind of a toss up? Anyway if you want to you can send me prompts @analogicilly-speaking or @seas-space-and-stardust on tumblr!


End file.
